Women Don’t Need Viagra. They Need a New Sex Partner

The female Viagra is the lamest invention of the pharmaceutical industry lately. Popping a pill a day for two months will result in one “sex event” more than popping 60 sugar pills over the same period. (Plus the side effects.) That’s not even an orgasm, mind you. At least not for the patient.

How to have sex when you don’t want to

… and not get paid for it.

There’s a special corner in hell for those who push people to have sex – when they don’t want to.

Teaching women mind tricks to let sex happen to them at the hands of men they are not sexually attracted to – is either forced prostitution or marriage counselling.

Glossy magazines do it all the time, without any hang-ups. They advise people how to execute the motions of sex with the spouse they no longer want. It’s called forced sex – even when people force themselves.

Real sex vs. Conquest

The majority of people have no idea what they want from sex. This is why they are left with browsing through sex partners and substituting numbers for quality and satisfaction.

Women are conditioned not to have a libido. Please don’t tell me that gender indoctrination is not an issue anymore because millennials.

If women have been told for a hundred generations that good girls have two heads, we would have two-headed women by now. The stereotypes are crumbling, and they should be gone, but they are still at work. Even for millennials. Women have been told that good girls are not into sex, so most of them still don’t have any idea what they should want from sex. We all know the symptoms.

Men are slightly better off because they can substitute ejaculation for sex. But that’s really a dumb solution.

Sadly, we usually equalize things by catching up with the dumbest – and this is what’s happening now: women try the stupid sexual behaviour that used to be the reserved domain of men. This is not an ethical eye-roll. I am rolling my eyes in exasperation and hope that we’ll get past this quickly and move on to recolonise sex for actual people again. As they are. Not as they should be.

Until then, go for the novelty.

Whenever in doubt: Compare and quantify

When you have no one to confirm that you’ve done something enjoyable … maybe it didn’t even happen?

You need to be able to report on your conquests. But can you report on ever bigger conquests with the same person? How does it sound like? “Today I had an even bigger orgasm than yesterday?” I don’t think so. How could we possibly compare our experiences when Instagram is not an option?

There is no social media to discuss sex, to share experiences and for the dumbest of human needs: to compare whose is better.

Subjective satisfaction is out of the question, we need substitutes. The number of partners (and their hotness) will do.

We have replaced sexual fulfilment with number of bodies conquered as a measurement of how well we are doing – for lack of a better idea.

But it gets worse.

You don’t know what you want, so you cannot possibly know how to get it. And when you don’t know what you want, do you even notice when you get it? It could be in your hand and you could still be looking.

But the thrill of a new partner turns you on even when the sex is low-quality.

And since achieving higher quality sex is a problem (hard work and you need a partner for it), people go for the quick dopamine rush of a new partner. I agree, there’s room for improvement there. Not because many partners are wrong, but because real sex is better.

But until then, be realistic. Women don’t need Viagra, they just want a new partner.

If you ask a guy whether he would fuck the same person for the rest of his life or no one – he would choose the same person. Ask a woman, and she may choose no sex over boring sex. Of course, she will blame her libido. And 60 pills would make her be fucked on one extra occasion every two months. A new lover would make that number a hundred.

Women need the confirmation of a new conquest too. Yes, deriving your self-worth out of conquest is stupid. But as long as the lower-libido myth lingers, women need the conquest more than men.

Once the last echoes of the old indoctrination fade out, ask me again. Until then, let women (and men) sleep around.

Martin Seligman (of positive psychology fame) wondered why men tend to have visual and body fetishes while women tend not to. Allow me to present my very own hypothesis:

Men had never been told to look away because good boys don’t lust after nudity.

Photo: Rion Sabean
Photo: Rion Sabean

Have you ever been sold soda with the image of a scantily clad, freshly oiled, ripe and juicy penis inviting you to touch or taste it? No? Then you might be a woman. Men get that treatment all the time.

That is how they know they love boobs. No one would try to sell them stuff with boobs if they didn’t like it, right?

That is how they know they buy anything if … boobs.

This is how they’ve learned that they are so called “visual types”. They sell a lot of boobs to them.

Women may be visual types too, we’ll never know. They are supposed to look away. So instead of feeding their eyes on the sight of accidental nudity, the girls prudishly looked away all their lives – and they are left without any visuals.

Only porn but that has been hijacked by men, who were taught by the same dumb culture that they are dirty animals – so they acted accordingly. Pushed into illegality and illegitimacy, hidden in the cellar for so long, sex became deformed and disfigured. Practiced only by the most desperate and the least inhibited, it doesn’t have any class. It has no support from the humanities or popular culture. It has no soul. It’s a shame.

Porn is whatever the camera enjoys. Bringing visual dynamics to the scenes trumps good taste and common sense, and every new and weird way a female body is used is a testament to how thwarted our sexual development really is: when we finally see a forbidden body part, we want to do odd things to it that has nothing to do with pleasure. Our 16-year-old self revels in the opportunity to finally have access and does what every immature boy would do: experiments. See what happens when we put a lightbulb in it…

Real life sex has also suffered. We don’t know what real sex looks like. People have only porn as a visual guide – but hanging from chandeliers is rarely a satisfying experience and new positions may not be the whole point, anyway.

soda3 (2)

So we are left with the thrill of the conquest.

Had you been repeatedly suggested that you don’t like sex as much as the female type of humans do, you would have problems with your libido too. This is where open relationships come in.

People deny it, but they choose marriage partners based on how good he or she looks for the friends and family. They are casting for the role of the Desirable Partner, and then try to enjoy sex with the person who fits the description.

And it works for a while, because the relief is so great. If you feel under pressure for being single or running out of time, you will feel relief. And relief makes women wet and men feel in love. Except, of course, relief disappears faster than sexual desire does. It takes about two years before the dopamine hit of a new love fades. It takes much less before relief ceases to be a lubricant.

When the flame is switched off, men still have a body to look at. They still suffer, but they are visual, or so they have been told. When they see one body ready for sex, they are fine. It is masturbation, but there is a female body present, so it’s good enough. No one can call it a failure.

Women are left with dead libido, a partner they don’t find sexy, and accusations that they “withdraw sex”. (There’s no such thing, by the way.)

I don’t want sex (with you)

No one wants to have sex with the same person after a while. Especially if it wasn’t that great in the first place.

But it’s easier to tell them (and ourselves) that it is the libido. Admitting that we lust for sex but not in the socially accepted way would be a thought crime. It would clash with our desperate need to see ourselves faultless.

Couples often slip into unrealistic social norms, even when they are dead set against them. Yes, even millennials.

So the new rules:

It is OK to go out and find sex elsewhere.

It doesn’t have to be nasty and it doesn’t have to be a secret.

It is also OK just to be left alone.

Monogamy is not for life and it’s optional. Grow up and accept it. Don’t medicate people into it.

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16 thoughts on “Women Don’t Need Viagra. They Need a New Sex Partner

  1. I too found this hard as hell to follow.

    If you (male or female) seriously despise your spouse to the point that you feel having sex with them would be self-rape then do them a favor and divorce them. Why in the world would you chose to stay with that person? Their money?

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    1. Because when someone demands that you pop dozens of risky pills to be able to grudgingly spread your legs one extra time per season, that’s the definition of “happiness in life”.
      If someone insists that you don’t have sex for the rest of your life rather than doing it with someone else, that’s “happiness in life”.
      If they don’t even care if you want it and khm… unilaterally have sex with you, that truly must be “happiness in life”.
      If you can’t even bring up the subject with them, now that’s definitely “happiness in life”.
      If you manage to convince yourself that this is life and endure it with a smile, that is definitely a kind of “happiness in life”.
      That’s all so original, I haven’t heard either story a million times.
      Oh wait…
      But I have to give it to you, the spousal rape and self-rape narrative is perfectly coherent. Hate life, hate your partner, hate yourself, don’t expect anything. I’m just not quite sure why you need to be alive to do it.

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