Do you know people, who buy stupid devices to get fit without exercise? Gullible people, who give good money to get-rich-quick schemes? Idiots, who believe that they need-need-NEED a new salad centrifuge and they must buy it now to get a free Tarot reading?
Now this is how I feel when I see guys, who pay to pick-up artists. How can you take them seriously? (Not the “artists”, the disciples.)
I know… PUA-courses pay lip service to “building confidence” and “improving yourself”. But you didn’t enroll in a course on how to gain confidence and be your better self. You didn’t pay a stylist or a personal trainer to become more appealing. You googled “How to make every pussy yield to me when I walk into a bar”, the wet dream of a 16-year-old. And you gave your money to a pick-up artist.
So what is it that you pay for when you pay for PUA?
Pick-up artistry is to dating what diet pills are for weight loss. They don’t work, but that’s what the victims are willing to pay for. PUA-victims are up in the asses of their PUA-masters, who may or may not know how to womanize, but they definitely have a sense for business. They are giving you what you expect – not the actual solution
1. Subtext & Excuses
You don’t buy that cologne because of its smell… they don’t even mention the smell in the advert. They imply that it comes with a lifestyle. Saying this out loud would be dumb and easy to refute. Showing the lifestyle and the cologne together makes you buy it.
If I tell you that you get to suck on breasts if you drink my brand of whisky, you could cleverly spot that I’m lying. So I just show the bottle between boobs – and you buy it.
PUA works the same way. It implies and suggests – but it is always deniable.
Everyone, who is after your money better provide an excuse and a tantalizing subtext.
The most potent part of every sales pitch is the subtext. The implied message. It comforts you and tickles you in just the right harmony. If someone calls you out on the subtext, you can deny. But as the manifestos (big word for such small people) of PUA-inspired murderers can attest, they can hear the subtext, loud and clear.
The implicit idea is that women are evil, the world is unjust, and there is no fair play – only war and revenge. Consolation and excuses are the strongest magnet for your money. Better than a new car and an expensive watch combined. They make you feel good about yourself – but at a cost to someone else.
You feel even better about it if you don’t have to say it out loud. The radical members of your new “community” will do it for you. You can always say that you are “just building confidence”.
2. PUAs sell you their definition of your problem alongside their solution
That vague, shapeless feeling of discontent may or may not be just the lack of pussy. But it’s too complicated to analyse, so you throw your money at whoever gives the sexiest name to your feelings. Someone selling a solution better sells the problem with it. Your PUA-master tells you that you need women – and he doesn’t even sell you one:)) (I actually admire their business model at this point. I am considering my own PUA-practice. All I need is a website with a dark background and no design to speak of.)
You bought into the idea that you don’t have to know what you want – you want a 10 and that’s it. In other words, your PUA-master tells you what to want. How unsexy is that?
But your problem is the same as women’s: If a woman would complain that she cannot get a man she likes, you would be quick to tell her that she is not good enough. That she needs to make an effort or lower her expectations. Maybe she shouldn’t wait for the sexy and funny and tall and rich. Maybe she should settle with the boring or the bald. But guess what, it works the same with guys. If you feel that you cannot get the women you want, maybe your expectations are slightly above your own league.
And maybe you’re asking the wrong questions entirely. Just because you miss regular access to pussy most, it doesn’t mean that pussy is what you get in a relationship. Maybe the answer you are looking for has been in your (right) hand all this time.
3. You pay for numbers
Any guy, who scores women to feel better about himself is a 5 at best. The fact that you bought into that PUA-nonsense shows that you’re a gullible underdog.
One-digit numbers offer quantifiable certainty to guys, who learned in school that they are good at numbers, but bad at complexity (so called feelings). When you have such a desperate need to quantify dating, someone will sell you exactly that. Scores, percentages, repeats. Pseudo-scientific nonsense. That doesn’t make it any more true.
You have bought into the idea that women can be quantified, while you are special and unique. For your purposes, the value of a human is based on looks and fuckability. I wish you all the horror of taking the absolute 10 home and spend a lifetime with her.
Anyway, new rule: you cannot rate people above your own level. Just no. The same way you don’t understand why more intelligent people are more intelligent, you can’t rate people that are hotter than you.
4. You pay for superiority (at least over women)
I am always amused by people, who use some iteration of so called evolutionary arguments to prove that we haven’t evolved shit and that we are something primitive still. PUA-victims voluntarily make themselves the slaves to enforced gender roles that made entire generations miserable. Even worse, they embrace the dog-hierarchy of alphas and betas and actually consider themselves underdogs. Now this is where it gets scary.
Once you accept a hierarchy, you desperately need someone to be even below you. You cannot be an alpha – you established that when you paid a guy from the internet to tell you how to get pussy – so you need something even below you: women.
You hate yourself for being a beta, so you also buy into the comforting belief that you are still the prize, which is the subtext of 1950s dating manuals – but that time for ladies – where males featured as desirable, coveted bachelors, and women were desperate to get them. You say things like “I have a house, a job, a car, women should be swarming around me”, and you would like to patronisingly pick the one, who is not after your money – despite all this. But you are not interesting (because you are not interested), and you have reduced people to biological urges – so you look like one yourself. You don’t know what you want, you are just casting for a role of a definitely-not-a-golddigger. You have no idea who you are, but you want someone to love you for it. You hate yourself and your life (house and car and all), but you want someone to be enthusiastic about it. PUAs are a reaction to imaginary gold diggers – they fret and covet the trophy wife with the same desperate intensity. They enjoy the under-siege pose that stems from the old narrative.
There are women out there you can get by manipulation. But there are women, who can be bought for money and you don’t want those either. (You paid a PUA, remember? Not a pimp.)
If someone wants to actually have a relationship with the eligible bachelor that is you, they have to manipulate your dumb asses back, to keep you still. They better come up with some twisted argument as to how a committed relationship will increase your testosterone level. And you will buy that belief too.
The truth is that your dream woman, who is
1) not into other people’s money and
2) doesn’t need to tie down someone by the force of law
finds nothing attractive in marriage.
And yet you cannot take a woman seriously unless she starts nagging you for a ring eventually. A relationship must hurt, otherwise there’s something wrong with her. If she doesn’t ask for your money in marriage, she was cheap. Your PUA has thrown you back a few decades in mental development and you still labour under 50s misapprehensions, and sweaty, old relationship roles.
5. You pay for distraction from self-improvement: War
You bought into a war narrative, where “men” and “women” are treated as tribes whose members only meet with paranoid caution on the battlefields of dating. They can only fully trust members of their own tribe. You bought into the notion that contact with the opposite sex should be reduced to mating and dating, and that true friendship is reserved to members of your own species.
By creating an identity-based war, your PUA master effectively prevents you from seeing eye-to-eye with another human being. By seeing the other sex on the other side of tribal boundaries, you don’t just insult them, but deny the possibility to be friends and actual partners.
You’re creating a war where there is none. You are divided and conquered – and stupidly proud of it.
There are men out there who don’t need PUA and not because they’re alphas. But because they are not blinded by trash ideology. They think instead of regurgitating dramatic dating advice from a trash self-help ideology.
An “alpha” is a person who would never listen to a PUA. No woman likes a guy who pays another guy to tell him how to talk to her and reduce her to a pile of stinking stereotypes.
But I’m sure your PUA doesn’t encourage much soul-searching in the heat of your imaginary war.
6. You pay for victimisation and revenge
Successful narratives are based on the notion that you’re a victim. Not personally, but you know, the victimisation of your kind. PUAs picked shrewd trophy wives as their oppressor – and fight their windmill with all their excess energies. But they do what feminists do: they punch at the least resistance.
I am fascinated by how turbocharged women’s rights activists appear to use the old tools of dictatorial oppression and aggressive censorship, while boy’s right activists move to the once all-female realm of victimhood. You are using each other’s traditional tools for mutual revenge in a gender war you were duped into. Who’s stupid now?
7. You pay for consolation for rejections
Part of your dumb gender role is that you absolutely must make the first approach. But you resent it because you are not the initiator type. But you couldn’t take a woman seriously if she approached you. What now?
Your PUA steps right in with a ‘solution’:
- It is not you, it is your approach that was rejected. (Actually, it’s a pretty good way to look at it – but no. I would reject you. If I liked you, a “Hi, how are you” is enough. If not, no amount of negging and weird behaviour would change my mind.)
- You can take back control from the inane the-woman-chooses-the-man dogma.
Anyway, you pay for these consolations. But no choices are made exclusively by men or women. The women-choose meme was used to legitimise the sick relationship oppression called marriage for centuries: It may be bad for women, but hey, they chose it…
Yes, it is unfair that you have to approach. Trust me, it is equally shitty to be reduced to choose from the guys who take up the courage to approach (and don’t convince themselves that it wouldn’t work anyway, so why bother).
How many women do you think you’d need to approach? Hundreds? Thousands? All of them?
I used to have this idea that finding a partner for life is a daunting task. After all, there are billions of people on the planet, half of them men, around 20% of them around my age group and I simply don’t have enough information to make the optimal choice… How can I possibly do a perfect job at it? No matter, whom I choose, there will be a better one out there, and my perfectionism didn’t allow me to accept that. Mind you, I was only 10, and the notion of a life partner was my default conditioning, not an actual desire. Then I grew out of it.
And I have also learned that whatever suits me changes with time, a person is not a constant, with unchanging variables, and people are not willing to be nice to anyone. If I am not open to an affair, it won’t happen with the best and most perfect lover.
In short, you don’t need to talk to thousands of humans to achieve … what exactly?
So what do you need a routine for?
What would you call a person, who is so immersed in sending CVs that he doesn’t notice when he gets an answer back? You would tell him that he is not goal-oriented and too focused on the process.
Stop learning how to look and start thinking about what to look for and what to do when you find it. Nothing depends on the first words – unless you sweat it and come up with a baffling, overthought routine. Say “Hi, how are you”
It is unfair that men have to do all the approaching, I couldn’t agree more. Now look into your own head and see whether your gender indoctrination would even allow you to feel good about a woman who approached you. Women may be equally put off from approaching you because of fear of being treated like they’re worthless. Gender roles cut both ways.
Actually, the only good thing that ever comes out of your PUA may be that you are willing to take a risk. The only difference between the PUA-free and the PUA-damaged you, is that the second actually approaches women. He goes there to insult and manipulate, but at least he is there. And if she likes him, she will try to ignore his antics.
8. That your dumb silence is a strategy
If you want to spot PUA-damage quickly just ask him whether you are fat. This is one of their pet-clichés and a rallying point in treating women like talking (unfortunately) bodies. The silly bitch will always ask whether she’s fat, and you can never be right. And the solution?
Do. Not. Engage.
Make no mistake, there is indeed no good answer to that question. When you don’t take ‘no’ for an answer, ‘yes’ is meaningless. But the PUA-victim doesn’t buy the non-engagement principle because it is correct. He buys it because it also happens to be what he wishes to do in the first place.
Judged by their forums and FAQs, PUA-victims appear to have no idea what to tell in the following situations:
- Approaching women,
- Talking to women
- Answer questions of a woman
- Ask questions from a woman
- Suggest something to do together with a woman
- Answer when she suggests something to do
- When she asks whether she looked fat
- You get the idea…
So not “just” confidence
Your PUA masters are up to something when they teach you that confidence is key. It is probably also true that you can sometimes fake it till you make it. (Although unfounded confidence is called something else.) But you cannot steal confidence by humiliating others. Negging may work (whatever “working” means in this context) but you get what you created.
Talking about confidence is a swab on the surface of the real issues. Confidence is the symptom – not a tool. Confidence is a way of thinking that doesn’t defeat you – or anyone else. It is the realistic assessment of the world around you and the willingness to accept failure and responsibility – as well as your occasional greatness.
What confidence is not:
- being insecure about and judging yourself (and others) by adherence to masculinity.
- making your self-worth dependent on other people’s opinion.
So neither women nor your PUA-masters should dictate your value.
PUA sells a pseudo-scientific solution that requires no effort apart from money spent and a few rules memorized. Better than standing up from your metaphysical asses and figure out what your actual problems are and how to go about them.
How can you take someone seriously, when they pay money for (or attention to) this product?
Read Next: Would you notice if you were duped into a war and distracted from the real problem? (Coming soon…)