It’s just that you cannot love an entire gender – unless you reduce them to a role they play in your life. And you love the role. The function. And that is demeaning.
Misnomers don’t help thinking. When in the rush of a debate, the mind takes a quick look at the name and tries to ascertain what the thing might be. When you accuse someone of misogyny, you may be perfectly right – and he may still deny it. He doesn’t hate women, you see?
It is not exactly hatred. Disregard, perhaps. Failure to recognize as a human being. Being stuck in his own head and only appreciating women for their utility. And getting inexplicably upset when women refuse to be all those things he enjoys.
Misogynistic men don’t hate women. Not all of them, anyway. For most misogynist, that’s the wrong word. They use women. And given their poor definition of the word “love”, they would even claim that they love women. This is why they deny your accusations – and honestly believe you are being unfair.
How could they not love women? They want to fuck them. Women cook their food and make their lives comfortable. Women deliver their babies and spend their lives bringing up the children these men want so much – just wouldn’t go near them. Women are comfy and pleasurable. Men would be genuinely sad without these things. For all they know this is love.
How could they not love women? They want one for home – you don’t keep a cat when you don’t like cats, right? Right? In fact, they would keep more than one if they were allowed to. They want access to women’s bodies. A lot. And they call it access. To bodies. Seriously.
How is that hatred? They love women the same way they love their right hands (gives them pleasure), their Cézanne (proud owners of something aesthetically pleasing), their car (they spend on it, hello!) and the food on the table (it is nourishing and necessary).
They want to cushion their lives with female bodies. Soft breasts and warm pussies. Wombs to carry their second coming. Mouths that sing their praise and swallow semen. Gratefully.
Women deliver a lot of unconditional service and emotional satisfaction. So called “misogynistic men” totally “love” these services. So they “love” “women” as long as these conditions are met. And when they are not, they flip out.
And not just when their chosen female refuses to play her role in their lives. Weirdly enough, they flip out when any female refuses to play this role for any male. Life is so much better when all the females just want to please – better not leave other options open. So a closet-misogynist enforces female roles by gently arguing that there’s a reason women have less resources at their disposal. (They don’t want it, and at any rate, biology makes them to.) And he is secretly happy when women don’t have much choice but to please him (or any other male) to get access to resources.
Access to body – access to resources… True love is strong with these people.
One would say that they “objectify women”, and it would be true. But truth be told, they also objectify themselves and other men. So do women, who dissolve themselves in traditional roles. People who give up being a person and reduce themselves to life roles regard other people as life roles too, that’s the real problem.
Their love is conditional – and for a function, not for a person
They “love” their mothers too. For the comfort and the food – not her person.
Not many people love their mothers as a person. When you scratch at the surface of what they call love, it will come down to the comfort of unconditional (and often un-reciprocated) support and the reliable supply of comfort. They feel cheated when their mother gets a life and spend years in therapy if their mother gets a life. Like she dares not to supply every meal on time.
How is that love for her person?
In fact, their list of desirable character traits in a female partner gives these men away.
She is humble and silent, she is not demanding, she boosts his confidence. She is low-maintenance and loves children – so that he doesn’t have to. She is nurturing, like mommy, and enjoys giving. Excels at altruism and never asks – only when she asks for his children. But that’s like asking for him, so it’s acceptable. She is not just submissive – she enjoys submission. She wants to look good. She wants to be best at providing.
But that’s not a personality. This is not a description of a person, it’s just a lot of words to describe the desire to please him. These traits serve him – they don’t tell anything about her.
Such a man loves women as things that serve his comfort and career better than a machine would. Talking, opinion, or character are from this viewpoint a necessary evil. She needs to be able to talk to provide the service. And sometimes, when she talks, it is comforting – she should do more of that.
The fact that you endure her opinion and her bitchy personality is not proof that you love her (or “women” as such) – it’s proof that you wish she wouldn’t have any. The fact that you can’t avoid having your women talk doesn’t mean you take them seriously. I have heard so many men obsessing about the awful personality of their girlfriends – but wouldn’t leave them because they fit the bill and they had long legs. But when you want legs and boobs and ignore the personality – you are asking for it. Just like the woman who wants the house and the yacht. You deserve one another.
The thing is, people have no idea what love is because they are so busy going through the checklist of Desirable Partner. But when you do that, you are not interested in who they are. You just want to know whether they fit the bill. You don’t love them. You just use them.
Mutual exploitation with an imbalance of threats
But it is not men, who use women, but traditional societies. And those traditional societies use men as well as women.
In the traditional setup men are used for bringing home money and fending off other aggressive men. And aggressive they are because 1) they are treated as such (biologism, bitches!) and 2) they are used to unconditional, birth right submission at home – they are thus less willing to behave elsewhere.
But women in this old system invariably end up on the wrong end of the dick. They depend for their livelihood. Their men depend on women for just comfort and pleasure (positive things) – women depend on men to fend off starvation, poverty, or being killed.
So the tools of blackmail are unevenly distributed. Where women have no income, where they are unemployable household serfs, their livelihood depends on the man only. Especially with children. In this beautiful, traditional family nightmare, women can only blackmail with the withdrawal of the comfort they create – but cautiously, so they don’t get beaten. Their aggression is passive.
You don’t like passive aggression? You should perhaps say goodbye to these old norms.
Submission also breeds contempt for the weak. And since they are dehumanised objects, loved for the function they serve, their dependence will also breed aggression. Aggression is coded in this mutual exploitation.
Who really hates women, in the traditional sense of the word
If anyone genuinely hates women, it’s:
- A negligible minority of red pill warriors, who accelerated downhill and went past the point of no return.
The negligible minority of frustrated men, who take the teachings of their pick-up masters seriously, and actually believe that women are the source of their problems.
2. Misogynistic women.
Remember, when a society is patriarchal, so are its women. And they are the ones, who truly hate other women. As a group.
Women can’t use other women the same way men do – but they don’t want them to go unused either. Those who accept their own diminished role have an incentive to enforce it on other women – and make it look like it’s unavoidable.
I have always marveled how some people just don’t seem happy with their perfect life choices – they feel compelled to make others happy too – by making them doing the same things ASAP. They cannot wait, you must make the same life choices they made – and admit that it is not optional. That is The Only Way. But they wouldn’t need to enforce it if it were really so great.
The same way men demand the draft if they had the misfortune of being drafted when they were young (“that made me a man”) – women who made the unavoidable life choice of making themselves dependent want other women to do the same. And unlike men who just use women but don’t consciously hate them – these women are truly misogynistic.
And most importantly. You can’t love or hate and entire gender. Only a person.
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Photo: Mikko Lagerstedt