8 Lessons of Polyamory

Polyamory to monogamous relationships is like orgy is to sex. You may or may not be willing to try. It may or may not be for you. But it requires the deconstruction of the activity and reassembling the components in a way that makes you better understand them. Continue reading “8 Lessons of Polyamory”

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No relationship games in polamory

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Who makes the first move and what is not considered to be embarrassing? Who is supposed to call first? When can you text and how long before you suggest a second date? How about the kiss? Is it too early? Can you show interest before she does?

Now try these anxious rules and petty games in a relationship of three.

Continue reading “No relationship games in polamory”

Relationship roles, life scripts are the death of love

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– So you want to play Hamlet?

– Yes, but not with the unstable personality, I don’t like that. Oh, and not Danish. And I disapprove of suicide so I won’t do it. And the lines, I’ll need new lines, these are odd and frankly, too long. And I have issues with Shakespeare so I prefer it to be someone else’s play.

– So why do you still want to play Hamlet?

– Because everyone wants to do it, and so do I. And I like the stage and I want to be seen. And I want to tell everyone that I did it.

Continue reading “Relationship roles, life scripts are the death of love”

Know thyself! – Lessons from polyamory #6

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You are a teenager. You are making out for the first time. You know it’s supposed to be good, but you can’t enjoy it just yet. First, you don’t know where your lips, tongue and hands should go. Second, you’re self-conscious. You just want to get done with it. Continue reading “Know thyself! – Lessons from polyamory #6”

Don’t try to change your partner

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People change when they do. You shouldn’t rush them or try to interfere. Leave it up to them. If you want that person – but you cannot accept them unless they change, then you don’t want that person. And if you still try to change them, your partner is the least of your problems.

Your problem may be that you want to be with many different people. Continue reading “Don’t try to change your partner”

There is no such thing as a soul mate

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There is no such thing as one soul mate.

Not for 99.99% of us. And definitely not for life. And maybe even the rest of us are just extraordinarily good at adapting to each other and the situation.

I cannot not blame the frightening concept of a soul mate for the triumph of possessive love. Continue reading “There is no such thing as a soul mate”

Jealousy is not part of love – Lessons from polyamory #3

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We should stop humble-bragging about being jealous. We tend to treat it as some kind of forgivable virtue. We went as far as to confuse it with love itself. How much further can we lower the bar? Continue reading “Jealousy is not part of love – Lessons from polyamory #3”

What is love? And what it isn’t

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In monogamy people can conveniently blend friendship, respect, admiration, lust, legal and financial co-dependence, passion, ownership and sometimes even actual love – under the word ‘love’. They can do it because there is no social need to distinguish. Continue reading “What is love? And what it isn’t”

Lessons to learn from polyamory #1

Polyamory to monogamous relationships is like orgy is to sex. It may be for you, or not at all. You may or may not be willing to try. But it requires the deconstruction of the activity and the reassembling of the parts. It requires to know yourself in a way that you should do in a monogamous relationship too.

Monogamous couples could learn a few tricks from polyamory.  Continue reading “Lessons to learn from polyamory #1”